Tiếng Việt
Hash Report – Run 1733,
Guest reporter, President Joe Biden
I was most pleased to be invited to participate in the Saigon Hash by my very good friend and athletics coach Uncle Generous Erection. He did warn me that the run was at least 15 miles through rough terrain, but of course that is the sort of exercise that I do every day to keep my mind as sharp as a razor strop.
It was great to see so many young people exercising after church on Sunday, including so many young Vietnamese ladies, that for a moment there I thought I was back in “Little Saigon” San Jose, Ca. My very good friend President Trevor Clinton had previously advised me that the ladies of Saigon were wonderful and very talented, especially when they started explaining the meaning of “bang me”, although he didn’t go into too much detail for some reason.
It was the start of a wonderful experience for me, as for many many years now Vietnam and the United States of America have had a very close and brotherly relationship going back to 1945 (gosh that’s nearly 80 years and I remember it so well). I can recall that in the 1960s and early 1970s so many Americans wanted to visit Vietnam that the US government had to arrange special charter flights to cater for the surge in tourism – who all came home with wonderful stories to tell.
Now, where was I? Oh yes, the event started with a “Circle” for no obvious reason as it wasn’t, and the Grand Master (sort of like the Pope but much younger) Trevor Titties invited lots of people into the centre for some reason, although I had a sudden hearing loss (due obviously to the excitement of being on the hash) so didn’t catch any of it. This was followed by the main event, when the GM invited the hares into the Circle. The hares were Trevor Great and his lovely daughter Vera, and they apparently explained that there was a run and a walk. Then the GM led us all in a prayer for our safe return. Hallelujah Brother!
Trevor Titties calling for Circle
So off we went, running as fast as a mob of illegal immigrants crossing the Rio Grande, hurdling over barbed wire fences and 3-metre-wide ditches for a few miles until the prickly undergrowth started to embrace us and slowed us to the speed of a politician trying to stop a genocide.
I immediately recalled that what we needed here was the quick resumption of a USAID program of many years ago where we sprayed much of Vietnam with weed killer to remove the prickly undergrowth and improve farmers’ productivity. I will raise this with the Department of Agriculture as soon as I get back to DC. Everybody in Vietnam will be so happy.
The prickly undergrowth bashing extended for another 6 – 8 miles including scaling a 200-yard-high vertical cliff face, until miraculously we arrived at a so-called “beer stop”. As is my habit, I limited myself to 3 -4 beers, and then we galloped off for a further 4 – 5 miles and ended back where we started. How clever was that!
There was a grand feast laid out for us – with clearly designated halal and kosher sections and of course lots of cold beer – and again I limited myself to 4 or 5 beers so as keep myself nice. We then returned to the “Circle” and the proceedings took on a fine religious flavour which was very appropriate for a Sunday evening, under the management of Cardinal Cocktail. Regrettably, I had another sudden hearing loss (due obviously to the euphoria of the occasion) and consequently, I then entered into a state of suspended animated bliss for some minutes, however apparently, I didn’t miss anything of importance.
Cardinal Cocktail took over the circle, operated the naming ceremony for young master JJ, several sinners was called in
There were many sinners who had to be cleansed of their sins including one poor young lady – Vera Cherry who had to sit on a block of ice for some minutes to atone for her sins. Cardinal Cocktail closed the occasion with a hymn of praise for our successful completion of the run, with most participants entering into a state of euphoric agitation. Hallelujah Brother!
We then retired indoors for another grand feast and another 4 or 5 beers, then at 7.30pm we departed for short drive back to Vietnam’s capital (Uncle Ho Chi Minh City) and I was back at the grand ‘grace & favour’ apartment (made available to me by Madam Truong My Lan and the Saigon Commercial Bank) at 11pm.
On On
Joe Biden